Join an online community of 135,249 people. Create a profile, make new friends, share pictures and videos with the 25 people online now!

Subscribe | Back to Literature

just a poem i wrote for someone special

Tell people about this topic:
+ Post Reply

Total Posts: 23 Posts

  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 10:53 pm

    let me know what you think

    Girl


    Girl when i see you from across the room
    I don't know what to do with myself
    All i want to do is just sit here and admire the view
    You're over there whilst i'm all the way over here
    That is the way i feel it is going to stay, for always
    I hate the fact that i can't change it
    To me you are amazing, funny and gorgeous
    Watching you with other people, having fun
    I wish that i could be there too, with you
    I wish that i could touch your lips with mine
    For my hands to be entwined with your's
    My heart goes insane just thinking about you
    My head has no room to store anything else
    You fill my head and my world with your beauty
    This smile that beams from my face
    Is for only your eyes to see, so i keep it locked away
    You have the key, so please come and unlock it
    I pray to god for just one chance with you
    You don't see that this girl is crazy about you
    So girl please help me out, you're the only one that can help!

    :giddy: Sex Is Like Pizza, When It's Good It's Really Good, But When It's Bad It's Still Pretty Good! :giddy:

    hayleyj

    19, Female, UK

    1 Post
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 10:59 pm

    My skin is peeling off and i got a shiver up my back so bad i broke my spine.

    CRONGEWIRTHY BBZ!


    Dee

    Account removed
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:01 pm

    Dee wrote:

    My skin is peeling off and i got a shiver up my back so bad i broke my spine.

    CRONGEWIRTHY BBZ!

    teh fuk?!?!?!?!?!?

    What made you come out with that? lol


    <3 Qu33nAshl3igh <3


    coolpix|WORKSOP

    26, Male, UK

    615 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:01 pm
    I'm of the opinion that a good poem must rhyme.
    Of course it's political. Black, lesbian, single mother.

    emmsixteen

    22, Male, UK

    348 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:04 pm

    BigDan1 wrote:

    teh fuk?!?!?!?!?!?

    What made you come out with that? lol

    :\

    I just think all poetry is crap.

    And that one was exceptionally crap


    Dee

    Account removed
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:05 pm

    Dee wrote:

    :\

    I just think all poetry is crap.

    And that one was exceptionally crap

    I haven't read it, its more than 3 lines long so meh


    <3 Qu33nAshl3igh <3


    coolpix|WORKSOP

    26, Male, UK

    615 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:09 pm
    I don't think it's crap. It's just not my cup of tea. It's better than anything I could muster so it's a bit rich of me to comment, anyway.
    Of course it's political. Black, lesbian, single mother.

    emmsixteen

    22, Male, UK

    348 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sat 9th Aug 2008, 11:10 pm

    i think it starts off good but then it starts to ramble a bit..

    just ask her out!

    I'm sorry, I don't speak pineapple.


    Lizard <3


    P1nkRabb1t

    27, Female, UK

    3,101 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sun 10th Aug 2008, 12:09 am
    So you're a lesbian. Way to ruin humanity, Selfish bint.

    XBOXLIVEGAMERTAG = IxThor


    VanillaFace

    20, Male, AL

    2,740 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sun 10th Aug 2008, 2:14 am
    Sounds like lyrics to an Usher song or something. A lesbian Usher, that is.

    Tom Vito

    Account removed
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sun 10th Aug 2008, 11:14 am

    i don't like it tbh

    it just kinda rambles, the order doesn't make sense and it sounds like you've tried too hard and used lots of cliches

    his smile that beams from my face
    Is for only your eyes to see, so i keep it locked away
    You have the key, so please come and unlock it

    that bit made me cringe





    catherinebee

    23, Female, UK

    287 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Sun 10th Aug 2008, 12:06 pm
    You > Sylvia Plath

    Whatever

    Account removed
  • Report | Quote Posted: Wed 13th Aug 2008, 5:38 pm

    Good poetry is whatever you want it to be. I prever free-verse, myself, purely because it allows for a freedom that a rhyme structure doesn't. But this wasn't the best, really. You're use of 'the tools' (metaphors, alliteration and the like) was poor and your language was a bit on the lower-end of the scale. Still, though, it's what it means to you and your partner, not to us.

    Keep it up


    Levitibus

    21, Male, UK

    70 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Wed 13th Aug 2008, 6:11 pm
    sexy likeeee

    Where are all the good looking guys?

    About ten drinks away


    Jenski

    19, Female, UK

    3,958 Posts
  • Report | Quote Posted: Wed 13th Aug 2008, 10:01 pm

    Whatever wrote:

    You > Sylvia Plath

    Sylvia Plath gets points for putting her head in an oven. Kudos.


    eBBZ

    Account removed
+ Post Reply

just a poem i wrote for someone special

Discuss just a poem i wrote for someone special on the Mingleville Literature message forum